Monday, January 23, 2006

Trivial Pursuits

I just got an email from a girl named Janice asking me if I knew of any “trivia” or one of those little-known facts about some well-known entertainers. (Psst, Janice? Next time you want to ask something, do it as a comment, okay? You know how finding comments on our blog makes my head spin with joy. *wink*)

Well, Janice, at the risk of making our blog appear like an entertainment blog, I am going to share with you some little-known facts or trivia about our worshipped idols which I’ve come across from reading old fan magazines. There aren’t very many, actually, but here are some of them:

* Did you know that Michael Keaton’s real name is Michael Douglas but he can’t use it for obvious reasons?

* Did you know that Michael J. Fox auditioned for a role in one of Robert Redford’s movies and when Redford saw how short he was, he threw a fit and, worse, threw Michael out?

* Did you know that Mel Gibson was not born in Australia but in New York? His father brought his entire family to Australia to dodge the draft in the 70s.

* Did you know that there were originally five members of The Beatles but the fifth one, Stu Sutcliffe, died of brain hemorrhage?

* Did you know that in England a fag is a cigarette so when you say you’re sucking the butt of a fag, it simply means you’re smoking a cigarette? (Say what?)

Sorry about that last one. It’s simply my way of saying “I’ve run out of trivia, Janice!”

But thanks for emailing our site, anyway. And do come back soon. TTFN!

J

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

For J

Dear J,

I love you.

I know the wonderful people visiting our humble site likely will have no interest in this post and may even be turned off by it. I sincerely hope that that is not the case, but irrespective, I love you sweetheart and want to shout it out.

D

Monday, January 16, 2006

2005 — The Year of Famous Breakups

The year 2005 has come and gone and, sad to say, so has the husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover of many a famous Hollywood celebrity. While we are not exactly aiming to make our blog The Blog of Lists (Get it? As in Book of Lists, the bestselling compilation of odd facts and trivial information released some years back? You don’t? Ok, never mind), I have decided to go on with what D had started in his last post listing Hollywood actors/actresses arrested the past year. This time, however, I am listing the Hollywood couples who, for some reason or another have decided to ‘uncouple’ the past year.

The reason I chose this list is, well, in a small measure because, as a woman, I sympathize with any poor soul who has to go through the pain and loneliness of a break-up. But in most part, I chose this list because, as a woman, gossip about well-known personalities simply intrigues me! He-he-he.

If my list is not complete, well maybe whoever is not included is not that popular anyway. In which case, it would be a good thing not to publicize their breakups. That way, if they decide to get back together, no sweat! Nobody knew they were together in the first place, right?

So here goes, drum roll, please. . . . The Hollywood couples who split-up in 2005 are:

* Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston — Talk about starting the year with a bang, they announced their split-up on Jan 8 after 5 years of marriage. Brad parries rumors of a relationship with Mr. & Mrs. Smith co-star Angelina Jolie. Jennifer keeps silent but suddenly decides to help Vanity Fair sell an issue by giving a no-holds-barred interview in September and then KAPOW! By October 5, their divorce becomes final.

* Charlie Sheen & Denise Richards — 7-month pregnant Richards kicks out her husband Charlie and files a divorce in March citing irreconcilable differences as the reason. Why she chose to marry this guy who is known to have such a taste for prostitutes is beyond me. And to think she is pregnant with their second child! Oh well.

* Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey — Just a few days before Thanksgiving this 3-year-old MTV couple decided to call it quits after some “careful thought and consideration.” Wonder who took charge of the thinking and who did the considering?

* Renee Zellweger & Kenny Chesney — The Bridget Jones Diary star decided 5 months was too long to stay married to her country singer husband and in Sept filed an annulment citing “fraud” as the reason. Then she issued a statement asking people to refrain"from drawing derogatory, hurtful, sensationalized or untrue conclusions" about her ex. Duh!

* Eddie Murphy & Nicole Murphy — Married since 1993, this couple divorced in July stating they were concerned about the welfare of their five children. Hmm. Or maybe it was Eddie's alleged concern for transvestites, whatever.

* Katie Holmes & Chris Klein — This Katie is one busy miss! After breaking off her engagement with Klein in March, she is again engaged in June to Tom Cruise and by August is pregnant with his child! Now that’s a girl who doesn’t waste any time. But then again for an alleged seven figures, I'd marry Tom and pretend to have his baby too.

* Jude Law & Sienna Miller — Their engagement went pfffft when a British tabloid published a story in July about Jude’s affair with his kids’ nanny. Almost immediately, he issued a public apology to Miller for his ‘indiscretion.’ What a wanker!

* Chad Michael Murray & Sophia Bush — Now, here’s another one of those less-than-six-month marriages. These One Tree Hill co-stars split in September, just five months after they got married. Guess no one warned these kids about marrying your co-star. Next season, you could be paired off with another actor/actress. What then, huh?

* Paris Hilton & Paris Latsis — In September, Paris the rich girl called off her engagement to Paris the rich boy saying she wasn’t ready for marriage yet. Well, no one really believed this union would last anyway. Paris, Paris, c’mon! Maybe Tokyo, Tokyo or New York, New York. (Did I really say that?)

* Leonardo DiCaprio & Gisele Bundchen — Hollywood heartthrob Leo was dumped by this sexy catwalk beauty after a tempestuous 4-year relationship for one important reason – his excessive partying and flirting with his and other actors’ ex-girlfriends.

* Nicole Richie & Adam "D.J. AM" Goldstein — Mutually agreed to call off their nine-month engagement without citing any reasons. Who knows with these young couples. Some say it had to do with AM eating too much and Nicole hardly eating at all.

* Mischa Barton & Brandon Davis — The O.C. star has decided to end her one-year relationship with the billionaire heir as early as February last year. Wonder how it feels like to dump a billionaire boyfriend?

* Valerie Bertinelli & Eddie Van Halen — Now, this is really sad. After 24 years of being married and bringing up a son together, Touched By An Angel actress Valerie Bertinelli and her alcoholic-rocker husband Eddie Van Halen are calling it quits. Maybe now she is touched by boredom! Ho-hum.

* Shannon Elizabeth & Joseph Reitman Shannon filed for divorce from Joseph citing irreconcilable differences. I would say something humorous but I can't compete with the incomparable Protein Wisdom.

* Jenny McCarthy & John Asher Fomer playmate of the year and perenially struggling actress Jenny filed for divorce from her director husband citing irreconcilable differences. Rumor has it John was fed up with Jenny's penchant for appearing nude in movies. What husband wouldn't want his wife bearing it all for every horny teenager and the rest of the world to see?

* Tori Spelling & Charlie Shanian — Former Beverly Hills, 90210 star Tori Spelling has split from her actor-writer husband Charlie Shanian after 15 months of marriage. 15 months or 50 years, I’m sure it hurts just the same!

* Christina Applegate & Johnathon Schaech — Just before Christmas, Christina Applegate and her husband, Johnathon Schaech, called it quits after four years of marriage. Their publicists said it was a mutual decision. Sure, sure!

* Jamie Lynn DiScala & A.J. DiScala — Sopranos daughter Jamie-Lynn DiScala and her husband-manager, A.J. DiScala, have split up after two years of marriage. But there’s a hopeful note, A.J. DiScala claims it’s “just a separation and anything is possible including a reconciliation.” We hope his wife feels the same way.

* Gabrielle Union & Chris Howard — The sexy star of Bad Boys II decided to call it quits with her husband of 4 ½ years last November. They have no children and no new movies to speak about. So why are they in my list? @##$

Enough of these split-ups! It’s a new year. Stay connected, okay!

J

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Actors/Actresses Arrested in 2005

I could say something erudite about how this isn’t really a superficial exercise, but rather a reflection on the inappropriate and counter-productive amount of respect we accord celebrities: yada yada yada. Maybe it's just cool that so many actors/actresses get busted so we can laugh at their distress and feel better about ourselves (or something like that).

Feel free to let us know of any oversights. There’s probably a PhD candidate somewhere who is breaking his parent’s hearts and bank account that needs a thorough list.

......................................The LIST.......................................

* Brancato Jr., Lillo: Heroin, burglary, involved in murder of a policeman, others. Got his break in the Robert De Niro-directed film "A Bronx Tale'' in 1993 and played doomed mob wannabe Matt Bevilacqua during the 1999-2000 season of "The Sopranos." He was really good in "The Sopranos." What a colossal fall!

* Brown, Bobby: Failure to pay child support. “Being Bobby Brown.” Yea, he’s not really an actor, but his show is the best on TV. Given all his past transgressions, 2005 was actually a pretty good year for Mr. Brown.

* Carey, Alison: Prostitution. This is Mariah Carey’s sister. She is not an actor, but damn, this is Mariah’s sister.

* Carter, Nick. DUI. Also he allegedly maybe possible smacked around Paris. Is he an actor? He’s probably been in something. Who cares. Any pussy who smacks a chick (allegedly) should get all the bad publicity he deserves.

* Channing, Stockard: DUI. “The West Wing,” “Grease.” She'll always be Rizzo to me.

* Cook, Jason: Possession of drug paraphernalia (marijuana pipe), public intoxication. “Days of Our Lives.” I thought this sort of behavior was expected of soap stars.

* Cosby, Bill: Sexual assault. "The Cosby Show." No criminal charges (only civil) were filed, but there have been several women who have made similar claims. Sorry pudding-man, when there is smoke, there is usually fire.

* Crowe, Russell: Assault, possession of a weapon. “Gladiator”, “Cinderalla Man.” I suppose a phone can be considered a weapon. You ever drunk dialed anyone?

* Gamba, Danielle: Disorderly conduct on a plane. She is not technically an actress, but she was in Playboy, so it’s just a matter of time before she is on Cinemax. Besides, she is really cute.

* Hatch, Richard: Tax evasion. First season “Survivor” winner. He may not technically be an actor but he has appeared as himself in a few shows. I suspect that this is not the last we'll be hearing from dear-old-angry-naked Richard.

* Houston, Whitney: Possession of drugs. “The Bodyguard.” Given all her abuses, she has done a fantastic job of staying out of the clutches of the law. I hope her children don't end up like the Ozzbourne's pharmaceutical-abusing spawn.

* Kasch, Cody: Possession of marijuana. “Desperate Houswives.” Never heard of him. Never seen the show. But he is only a teenager, so not really that big of a deal. Then again the Different Strokes kids were once only teenagers too.

* Klein, Chris: DUI, being a schmuck. “American Pie.” He should have been arrested for some of his brain-dead comments concerning women and his relationships with them. I guess we shouldn't really be surpised that his ex Katie Holmes ended up (for now at least) with the ultimate freak of them all since she stayed with this pencil-eraser for five years.

* Langham, Chris: Internet child pornography. Appeared in BBC show “The Thick of It.” Ain't nothing funny about child porn. They're gonna love his ass in prison.

* Love, Courtney: Possession of Drugs. “The People vs. Larry Flynt.” One of the most troubled stars of them all. Her behavior at the Pamela Anderson roast was both uncomfortable and hysterical.

* Minter, Carrie: She was with Danielle Gamba on the plane. Also in Playboy. Same rationale.

* Paul, Alexandra: Failure to obey police officer. “Baywatch.” Not really sure why she was ever cast on Baywatch - a show that did more to exploit cuvy women than perhaps any other. I guess the producers (Hasselhoff?) dedcided that "something-for-everyone" was a good approach.

* Patric, Jason: Public intoxication. “Speed 2,” “The Alamo.” Speed 2 sucked, although the ship's perforation of the dock was cool.

* Payne, Bruce: Threatening behavior on a plane. “Passenger 57.” Don't really know who he is, but the claims are that he was also intoxicated. Next time I fly, I'm gonna get drunk at the airport before takeoff. You're not a real man until you get drunk at an aiport bar.

* Qui, Yuen: Illegal gambling. “Kung Fu Hustle,” “The Man With the Golden Gun.” Classic bond is still the best bond.

* Renfro, Brad: Heroin. Appeared in such films as “The Client”, “Apt Pupil” and “Ghost World.” When you get arrested on skid row in a police sting, you know things are desperate.

* Rhys-Meyers, Johnathon: Assault, possession of marijuana. "Bend it Like Beckham," "Match Point." The assault was for hitting his teenage girlfriend. Lock him up.

* Rodriguez, Michelle: DUI. “Lost.” The best part of this was she pulled a "do you know who I am" delusion.

* Sizemore, Tom: Possession of drugs, domestic violence. “Saving Private Ryan,” “Black Hawk Down.” His rap sheet is longer than this list, but he still gets acting jobs up the wazoo. It's good to be an actor.

* Slater, Christian: Sexual misconduct. “Windtalkers,” “Hollow Man” and a whole mess of other lousy movies. Although check out “Who is Cletis Tout” for a fun, under the radar movie that has a super hot Portia de Rossi.

* Sheen, Martin: Protesting without a permit (or something like that). “The West Wing.” The "West Wing" was excellent, then it was bad, then it was good, now I don't really care if it's even still on.

* Tucker, Chris: Speeding, eluding police. “Rush Hour.” I think he is the last person in the US who still believes Michael Jackson is innocent.

* Watros, Cynthia: DUI. “Lost.” Has this entire cast been arrested now?

Saturday, January 07, 2006

The Superficial Continued: Two MORE cents on Brad, Jennifer and Angelina

As a follow-up to D’s post below, let me state that I think it’s insensitive for a man to flaunt his new relationship just a few months after he breaks up with his wife. That SIXTY page spread in ‘W’ Magazine was totally crass. It’s all about respect. People don’t always have to agree, they just have to respect one another.

Brad Pitt is entitled to leave Jennifer if he chooses and maybe Jennifer was wrong in prioritizing her career over children, but was that really enough reason for Brad to completely abandon her? Didn’t she see him through the times he himself was still trying to establish himself as a serious actor and after Gwyneth Paltrow had unceremoniously dumped him?

But more to the point, Angelina Jolie is a world-class beauty and indeed one of the sexiest women in the planet. But I personally believe that the fact she’s into children and foreign adoption much like Mia Farrow was in the 70s has very little to do with Brad Pitt being so smitten with her. I think it’s part of the package. As Angelina herself has said in several interviews, “The next man I fall in love with must understand what I’m into and must share the same beliefs I have.” She has also stated that she is not necessarily a “one-woman” man and that she enjoys multiple partners including women – not exactly the confession of someone soon to be domesticated and faithful.

Brad has long professed to be a family-centric man who is keenly interested in a simple, family oriented life. Yet here he is sacrificing that very thing to follow Angelina around the world. So, in my opinion, it could be poisonous snakes or deadly piranhas, whatever! If adopting her foreign kids (mind you, these are not her biological offspring) is what it takes, then so be it! With a face and body like that I’m sure any hot-blooded man would be out there risking life and limb to get on her good side. Sure, Brad Pitt is not chopped liver himself but c’mon, everybody knows who’s calling the shots in this relationship. He tags along wherever she goes and does what she does. Do you need a better picture?

I am not faulting Brad for wanting to start a family although, honestly 40 is not old by any standards (Michael Douglas at 106 or something like that just had a baby, remember?) What is disappointing to me is his lack of sensitivity in showing off his new relationship. Maybe it goes with his job, the fact that his life is so open to everyone’s scrutiny, but bottom line is, we are all humans living in a society of fellow humans. What distinguishes us from the animal kingdom is we respect one another’s feelings, especially those of people who once meant something to us.

As I said before, he in entitled, to leave, but he didn’t need to do it so insensitively.

J

Making the Superficial Substantive: Two Cents on Brad, Jennifer and Angelina

J and I were discussing the Jennifer Aniston – Brad Pitt breakup. Yes, occasionally we wade (neck deep) into the superficial. She sided with Jennifer Aniston, citing Pitt’s apparent overbearing insensitivity to their current situation – the almost flaunting of his current relationship with Angelina Jolie. She pontificated that anyone who could be this seemingly overtly insensitive was certainly capable of similarly “unloving” behavior during their marriage.

I respectfully disagree. I think that – despite protestations to the contrary – the breakup was more the result of Jennifer’s reneging on her commitment to have children. Yes, Angelina may be the sexiest woman on the planet, but it is probably not a coincidence that she is also someone that has warmly embraced children into her life. And we have all seen the pictures of Brad lovingly playing with and caring for Angelina’s children and his subsequent legal adoption of those children. And now there are incessant rumors that she is already pregnant with his child.

So my friends, was Brad wrong to leave his wife? He is forty years old and has long admitted his desire to start a family. Jennifer may have made a choice: an acting career over a family and past promises to her husband. If that is the case, she is not a victim to Brad’s “insensitivity.” He is in fact victim to her selfishness and unfulfilled promises.

D

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Mommy Dearest


Dear J & D,

My mother calls me pet names in public. I'm her 'little dinky doo.' That was fine when I was a child, but now I am 26. How I do get her to stop this without hurting her feelings?

Thank you,

Too Old for Pet Names


Dear Too Old for Pet Names,

I know how embarrassing that is especially when you’re in a busy supermarket, lining up at the cash register and your mom turns to you and says, “Did you get the cheese, dinky doo?”

There’s something sweet about parents not realizing their kids are grown up. I’ve learned to just ignore it. Even D doesn’t mind being called his mom’s ‘love muffin.’ However, because you seem to feel strongly about this, let me give you 3 suggestions on how to deal with dear old mom.

When she starts calling you pet names, turn to her and in the same tone of voice start calling her 'momsie', 'momoo', 'mommykins', 'momsie poo' or whatever sickeningly saccharine pet names you can come up with! One of three things will result from this: 1) she can enjoy it; 2) she can get embarrassed and finally get your point; OR 3) the two of you can totally freak out all the other shoppers and get arrested in a public scandal which will land you on the Jerry Springer show and get you 15 minutes of fame, you Paris Hilton-wanna-be.

Another tact would be to sit dear old mom down in her favorite armchair, look her straight in the eyes, and tell her, even beg her if you have to, to please, please, please stop calling you pet names in public because it’s embarrassing the hell out of you! After the initial shock, what you’re saying will slowly sink in and again, one of three things will happen: 1) she can agree; 2) she can give you the cold shoulder; OR 3) she can call up her lawyer and cut your ungrateful ass off and remove you from her will. After all, she carried you for 9 months, and giving birth to someone with a head the size of a watermelon was not a freaking picnic. For god sakes, she was in labor for 2 ½ days. And thanks to you her breasts now look like tennis balls in plastic bags. Considering this, being called her 'little foofoo' is a bargain.

And of course the third thing you can do, and I highly recommend this, is to just smile and ignore it when dear old mom starts calling you 'dinky doo' or 'babesy whoo'. It’s her pet name for you and it should make you happy that she loves you enough to give you a pet name. No need to be embarrassed by it! Unless of course the names she calls you are something like 'stinky toes', 'tub-o-lard-o', 'my little “accident”', 'abortion-shoulda-had', or 'don’t know who your daddy is.'

So what’s our advice to you? Don’t sweat it! Let things be. If it makes dear old momsie happy to call you pet names in public, then let her! Just go shopping with her and charge everything to her credit card! That’s what 'little dinky doos' do anyway.

J & D

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Doing the J-aywalk J-iggy!


I just returned from blog-hopping to some of my favorite sites. Les Becker’s post on how she managed to get away with jaywalking immediately reminded me of another funny encounter I’ve had with the nice people in this little tiny Asian country I am currently having an extended holiday in.

Jaywalking. Yes, it had to do with jaywalking. I remember waiting for my cousin in her parked car and watching this young man getting arrested for jaywalking. The irate policeman (All policemen in this country seem irate. It must be the humid weather.) was giving the young man a piece of his mind, yelling and screaming at him about how he should have read the sign that said ‘No jaywalking’ and going on and on about how this country would be a better place if people just learned to follow basic rules of discipline. He then goes on to present to the poor guy his options. One, he can opt to pay the fine of P100 or, and this is the interesting part, he can go scot-free provided he stands in the corner and sings the national anthem for all pedestrians to hear. Unfazed and even a little glad that he had a way out of paying the steep fine, he chose the latter but requested that he be allowed to choose his own song. Since it was Christmas and people were generally in a good mood, the policeman agreed and the young man proceeded to take his place near the busy intersection.

In less than a second, without need for any prompting from the policeman, the young man starts gyrating ala Ricky Martin (Menudo is big in this part of Asia) and starts belting out (like someone having a root canal) his very own weird version of “Living La Vida Loca” complete with his own lyrics! Everyone, including myself sitting quietly inside my cousin’s car, is startled by the sudden onslaught of this man’s singing! By the time my cousin returned to her car, a slight commotion had erupted and an amused crowd had gathered round this Ricky Martin clone, laughing and clapping along with him while the enraged policeman kept blowing his whistle demanding that he stop this racket immediately!

Speaking in their native tongue, I couldn’t get what the policeman was saying so I asked my cousin and she told me, he was screaming swear words and saying stuff like “I’m gonna throw you in jail if you don’t stop this instant,” and “Stop or I’ll shoot you! You’re worse than a terrorist with that voice of yours!”

Well, the young man did stop, but only after he had completed the song. He even took a bow and blew kisses while people applauded in jest! And the traffic policeman? He was as red as a tomato and fuming mad. But it was Christmas so he let him go but not without a warning. As loosely translated by my cousin, he told the young man, “NEVER PASS BY THIS STREET AGAIN OR I’LL DOUBLE YOUR FINE AND THROW YOU IN JAIL WHETHER OR NOT YOU VIOLATE A TRAFFIC RULE!”

Well, that should teach "him" a lesson! But who, the cop or the reprobate? In this case, I’m not exactly sure. Like I said before, life in these islands is always interesting.

J

Sunday, January 01, 2006

You Should Really Be Yelling at J

Dear D,

Where are you? You and J built up a nice little blog, and then like a moron you stopped writing and saw your readership drop off. Is it fair that you left J to do all the work? What kind of man are you anyway?

Antoinette


Dear Antoinette:

Are you French? Antoinette is a French name. Just like the French to always start trouble yet offer no solution to the problem. I was traveling in San Diego. See the picture of the panda? I took that (with a camera.)

Is it really necessary to call me a moron? I am saddened by the (temporary) decline in readership, but people do get busy during the holidays. I bet you traveled to France too more easily make fun of Americans and eat cheese? When you eat cheese do you rest it on your big French belly like the panda with his tasty leaves and shoots?

You ask if I am a man. I never claimed to be a man. But J thinks I am a man. Know what I mean, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Anyway, it’s good to be back and J & I promise to be more diligent with the posting. By the way, why didn’t J post more? You should be yelling at her.

Happy Holidays,

D