Remember When Romeo and Juliet Died

Dear Blogger:

Our website was down all day today. That made me sad, very sad. "How sad?", you ask. Well, let me tell you. Remember when ET almost died? Do you remember? How about Old Yeller? Remember when the Big Bad Wolf raped Little Red Riding Hood? Do you remember? Do you remember when Michael Jackson was acquitted? Well, now he is probably molesting little boys in Bahrain by giving them “Allah Juice.” Does that make you sad? Well now you know how I felt, Blogger.

The Middle East process, that makes me sad too. In 1973 Israel was almost defeated. Do you care? Were you there? Neither was I, but it still makes me sad.

You know what else makes me sad? The BCS - I know it worked out this year pitting a decisive number one versus a decisive number two, but still, it makes me sad. Luck is not to be rewarded. And this year it was just lucky. Blogger you were not unlucky today because luck has nothing to do with incompetence.

Please don’t let this happen again. I don’t want to be sad again. Remember when Boromir was killed in “Fellowship of the Ring?” That did not make me that sad, but I am sure that you fantasy loving tech geeks who run Blogger were sad and maybe even cried. Now you have an idea how I felt when Bogger was down all day.

So please, for the love of Bambi’s mother who died in a very sad way and for Chrissy whose departure sadly signaled the beginning of the end for “Three’s Company,” please keep Blogger running. Maybe I get what I pay for, or maybe you just like making me sad.

Very truly yours, in all sadness,

D

There's Always Barry White

Dear J,

My bf used to be very affectionate, but now we have been together for over a year and he no longer initiates sex. What can I do?

Cold in Wisconsin

Dear Cold in Wisconsin,

It’s ok, C, guys have a tendency to do that but that doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love you anymore. Maybe the fire just needs some stoking. Maybe, you can borrow mishmash’s torch (see previous post: “Rub It... You Know How to Rub It Don't You?”), or better yet, start a fire of your own. There are ways you can do this as well as things that can help you set your man in the right mood. First, you must for the occasion. Then you have to create the right atmosphere. And if all else fails, do as I do, click here.

Catch my drift? Shhhh, it’s our little secret okay? Don’t tell D I told you! You’re on your way, sweetie. Let the love flow, girl! Woo-hoo!

J

Because God is a Penn State Fan

Elmo thinks he’s funny when he asks “why is the sky blue?” But at musingswithababybottle we treat all questions respectfully, so Elmo, you ask and we answer:

When transmitted light such as sunlight enters our atmosphere it collides with the oxygen and nitrogen atoms. The color with the shorter wavelength is scattered more by this collision. Because violet and blue are the shortest wavelengths the sky appears to be violet / blue. But because our eyes are more sensitive to blue light than they are violet light, we perceive the sky as blue.

Our eyes contain thousand of rods and cones, which are the receptors for light. Whenever one of the 3 Stooges pokes you in the eye you see a giant blue spot. This is because the blue receptors have been activated. Blue is one of the primary colors and thus more easily activated and seen by our eyes.

Blue is also how I feel when my baby leaves, when my hound dog dies and when I have to answer silly questions . Also, it is how I feel when the cops pull me over and I see their blue lights flashing in my rear view mirror. Blue is also the color of the K-mart special, so this color isn't all bad.

D

Can I throw a color question back at you and ask "Why are you red, Elmo, when Kermit is green?"

J

Malpractice

J just spilled bile all over herself. She went into the hospital for a simple gall stone removal surgery and the fucking doctor negligently and incompetently cut her bile duct. She now has a tube that drains her bile into a baby bottle that she wears around her waist -- fucking incompetent doctor.

Makes me so angry I want to scream. Actually it makes me want to kill something. Such a sweet and gentle girl victimized by an arrogant prick doctor.

D

I've Got A Crush on You

Dear J,

I have a crush on my best friend’s boyfriend and I don’t know what to do! I’m so scared she’ll notice cause whenever he’s around I drop things including myself. I’ve fallen flat on my face a couple of times cause I get all excited and klutzy! Help me. I don’t know what to do.

K from Cali

Dear K,

Relax, take a deep breath, and use your head, girl! Oops, sorry that just kinda slipped out. Seriously now, this is not a good situation you’re in. First because, if you act on this emotion, you stand to lose your best friend. Secondly, you’re not even sure the guy feels the same towards you. My suggestion is: DON’T OVERTHINK THIS PROBLEM! Just let things be. Like all crushes, it is sure to fade in time. Most likely, you’re just lonely. So, go out and find a guy of your own. There’s tons of fish in the ocean. Just be wary of sharks. Salmon are yummier though my own D is more of a cuddly blow fish, so yummy but deadly sometimes. : )

J

I love you, D

Last night D and I had a bad fight and we almost split up. I’ve never been sadder and more afraid in my entire life! It’s nowhere near the harrowing experience I had in the hands of my incompetent surgeon who injured my bile duct and almost killed me. The thought of losing D felt like 10 newly sharpened scalpels tearing my heart to shreds. I know now why Romeo chose to die than live without his Juliet. If I had lost D, I would’ve wanted to die too.

Love is funny, isn’t it? On one hand, it can bring you joy beyond anything you could imagine. On the other, it can drag you down to the lowest depths of sorrow. It’s a paradox – an emotion beyond comprehension. Not even the great Romanticists could proffer an explanation of what it is and why it does what it does to the hapless lovers who suddenly find themselves caught in love’s delicious web. What moves these lovers to do the strange things they do? Don't ask me.

D will probably be upset at me for posting this here. I can almost hear him saying “Honey, people don’t want to read about heartaches. This won’t elicit comments!”

Who cares? In the first place, this post is not about heartaches. It’s about joy — the joy of a young woman who has found her one true love. It’s about gratitude for having someone in her life who is so patient and understanding. It’s about hope and resolve that she will try to make her man as happy as he makes her, even more. It’s about me loving D. Thank you, baby, for being the way you are. I love you beyond words and with all of me.

Your monkeybutt forever,

J

Firefox Version 1.07 installer available from us

If you would like an installer for Firefox version 1.07, just leave us a comment and an email address and we will send it to you at no cost.

Many extensions do not work on version 1.5, so if you are unhappy with 1.5, no worries, we will send an installer for 1.07